Portland, Oregon. The Next Chapter.

               "gotta go"
Things People in Portland Say:

1. "Rad"

2. "Stoked"

3. "You should move here"

I'm moving to Portland, Oregon.

I'm joining The Bridge Community.

Wait, didn't Olga recently say "I hate the West Coast, I'd never move there"... ? Yes I totally did; funny how that goes. So, how can I explain it... hmmm.... "It's a pilgrimage"... "A calling"... "Something I know I have to do next"... "I have no choice, it's as clear as daylight that I have to go".

 My year of solitude is over, it's time for community. I miss this girl and want her in my daily life again. I've desired community and community style

 living since I first heard of it in NYC. This is finally happening.

I wrote this litany while at the airport in Chicago, on my way back to Rochester. It's a rather personal confession, but I'm not scared to share it:

Confession, Enter Community (re: PDX)

i am living a life of solitude, and guarded isolation

I must go to community

i am living a life of petty hopes 

I must go to community

i am living a life of needs unmet

I must go to community

i am living a life of vanity and shallowness

I must go to community

I am living a life in need of discipline 

I must go to community

i am living a life of loneliness in a crowd of friends

I must go to community 

i am living a life of destructive, unchecked thoughts

I must go to community

i am living the life of an unhealthy American consumer

I must go to community

i am living a life of financial conflict and monetary slavery

I must go to community

God I desire Accountability

Bring me to community

God I desire freedom from myself and from this land*

Bring me to community

God I desire complete abandon in You

Bring me to community

God I desire deconstruction and construction one million and ten times over, if only to be closer to you. I desire to change five hundred thousands times, if only to be the same as You.

Bring me to community

Your Mercy. Your immutable Nature. Your Grace. Your Promise. Salvation. Love beyond human understanding:

I find these in community.

Amen. Amen. And Allelujah. 

*Chicago, S.Stevens 

-------------------------

I'm selling/giving away my things. Weeping a little. Happy a lottle. This was really unexpected. This is very exciting. It's a pretty big step for me in my comfortable living situation, but I am eager to go in Faith. Faith and I have had a rocky road ... tonight, Michael asked "So, are you estranged from the Church? Or excommunicated?" the answer, "both".  

I'm ready now. Ready to pursue Christianity with Creativity. In an email earlier today, I told Tiffany, "I don't know what I'm doing exactly, but I'm going to do it anyway"

Rochester, you have been so good to me this past (exact) year. Healing above all. I thank you 721 times. You'll always be my American home, and we'll see each other, we'll dance into each other unexpectedly... life is full of wonder and surprises and adventure, isn't it?? it is. it is! it is! oh! "how strange it is to be anything at all!"

Off I go, singing my Gypsy Hymns... 

estimated departure: march 1st, 2009

PDX, I tried to do hand stands for you

I'm in Portland, Oregon for this lady's birthday.  

My kindred spirit, my soul sister.

My Shadow told me in a Dream about this song, and we've been dancing to it, and singing it, and feeling it, and living it.

How can life be so magical and surreal and anything at all?

How can we feel such Cathedral Highs and Mermaid Lows?

Oh, how can we love other people so much and with such ease?

It's all a miracle to me.

Cross Country, We Celebrate and We Love Each Other.

a lady AND a scholar

my best friend of 13 years left rochester today. mellissa, her husband, her daughter, and her soon to be born baby boy had their butts kicked by the economy and a string of bad luck. they moved back to rochester less than a year ago, after getting married in ohio (where her family now lives).

mellissa and i met in middle school, as the two new transfers. we spent summers together, slept over each others houses night after night, dated boys together, went through some of the hardest and best times together. we've watched each other grow to be women. today mellissa also turned 25. she's one hell of a lady. 

we went for coffee and a donut before she took off this morning. i cried, it's not the first time we've said good-bye but it's hard every time. we WILL live in the same city again. we will. "i'll find me a good man, and we'll move to ____________ together", "you better". i will. 

as we  began to say our good-byes  by her car,  she bounced baby Penelope in the air, they both smiled and kissed, the bright sun lit them up and time stopped for me, for just a moment, a mental photograph i'll never forget. and memories of this past year came back... sitting on the front porch in the summer, our walks, reading forbidden journals, eating huge slices of pizza, dancing beautiful dances for a film,  laughing 90% of the time we're together, and watching Penny grow into a wondrous little girl. it's been a hard year, but it's been fun. with everything going on in our independent lives, we were a 4 minute walk from each other, we were neighbors for a brief time... but it happened, and it'll happen again.

life will hand us lemonade, mellissa. it will. i know it. 

i love you, i'll miss you, i'll visit. i pray now a prayer of ease for you and your family, "God, bless her with a break, just let life cut her a break. A  stress free, comfortable time... for as long as you see fit. If anyone deserves it, it's her. Bless the Saffers with ease. Calm the waters and let them have milk and honey. Amen."

I hope you win the lottery.