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...not too sure what that means, but i've been thinking about that for a long time. Can you help me understand these feelings and ideas?
i know i want to do things like "reduce my carbon footprint" and "buy local"... but i feel like there are more things I can be strict about, maybe strict is the wrong word-- more things I can be intentional about.
As far as work is concerned, I don't really want to do anything that I don't see/experience the fruits of. Maybe thats where hand-made or general labor can come in to play... paperwork and retail are so dead to me. dead end.
I want my work to be a part of how I survive... like in the old days, people gardened for their own food, people painted the fences of their own houses. I want the labor I put in to have a purpose beyond a paycheck.
I hope to find more language for this idea and feeling in me.
Of course I'm not so dogheaded (pun from last post!) that I will resist a job if I really need to earn a living... but I want to marry knowledge/purpose with a modern job.
Modern jobs kill morale and numb the human spirit... few people are aware that there are better opportunities where your mind, your opinion, your skills DO matter!
Or simply, something you can find pleasure in. And for me, pleasure/satisfaction comes from seeing the outcome and purpose. Mushroom Hunting won't give me money or even much of a meal, but I'd like to do that... and touring this year with Gramophone Family I really want to do that more than anything... I need to accept that family and society are going to label me as "lazy" because I treat a job as a way to make money/pay for basic survival, and that I prefer to work for someone else as little as possible. But hey, if you give me a purpose I believe in, I will be devoted and as strong as a work horse.
It just doesn't make sense to me, that a boss can earn triple of the benefits of my own labor. I want to reap what I sow... not reap 5% of what I sow, or even 70%. Is this the proletariat coming out in me?
I've been watching a documentary about the Carthusian Monks and listening to Devendra Banhart... so I think the general atmosphere in Apartment 3 has a strong bias on this topic.
Purpose and Passion. Thats what I want. And I don't see how that happens in society, in "careerism" in a genuine way. I just don't see it.
Some ones Dad in some movie said "find a job where you can get paid for being you"...
The only boss I work for is Springsteen. And does this sort of attitude affect how often I do my laundry, it most certainly does.
2 comments:
What you feel is a burgeoning of your true purpose on earth, as my feelings also emulate this desire to love the process, not just the product.
Try this on -get an old coffee can and some potting soil.
Eat an apple of your favorite variety, when you get finished extract the seeds from the core. Get a piece of paper towel and soak it in water, cocoon those seeds inside of it. Throughout the next few weeks make sure that the paper towel stays wet. Every few days check the progress, once you see part of the seed split and a little nub start to emerge, prepare the soil by putting a fair amount of water in it -its still early in the life of this thing, so you can't hurt it too much by overwatering, but make sure the soil is moist, not mud, but noticeably damp. push said seed 1/4 to 1/2" under the surface and leave your coffee can near a window.
Watch your intentions become something.
hi olga, it's melissa - i found your blog thru sue's. i really relate to this entry... a) the idea of getting to the source of everything - doing things from scratch - sewing, gardening, canning, etc. knowing where things come from. and b) having to have a job that means something to you. most of my life i DID, then i spent the last 2+ years working an office job (for a good cause, yes, but not benefitting my brain or using my talents or feeling connected at all). now i am back working with autistic children and it is a million billion times better. i won't lie and say it's easy, because it's actually quite difficult in a lot of ways, but i am enjoying myself, and i feel that i have something to show for myself, and i'm happier. actually a lot happier than i thought i would be - i didnt realise how numb that the drudgery of a 9-5 had made me.
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